Controversies stall would-be kart racers

Infendo

Magikoopa, on the other hand, isn’t afraid of driving. In fact, Magikoopa isn’t afraid of anything he sees.

That’s because he can’t.

We were as surprised to find out as you, but then we gave it some thought. More specifically, we looked into his glasses, a peculiar pair of lenses the Koopa warlock has never been seen without. It took talking to the right Koopas—not to mention bartering plenty of the right mushrooms—to learn Dr. Mario has been prescribing the blind Magikoopa opaque frosted lenses for years.

Apparently, he wears them for a few reasons. First, he doesn’t want to advertise his disability to his foes. Second, he’s a big fan of Stevie Wonder.

Given the things they overlook, we assumed blindness would be filed in the “non-issue” folder at the Department of Mushroom Vehicles. We also assumed Magikoopa would be given a license anyway, and we were right on both counts—it does, and they did. But the Koopa sorcerer owns the dubious distinction of being one of the Mushroom Kingdom’s only citizens ever to have a license revoked.

At least, that’s what he was told. He couldn’t read the forms.

During our exhaustive research, we found the proof—authentic footage of Magikoopa driving on the rickety old wooden planks of Ghost Valley.

We found no evidence, however, to explain his revocation.

Some say it was an executive order from the offices of Toadsworth, the result of an alleged teleportation into the living quarters of the Princess. Let’s just say the castle discourages pointing scepters at the skirt of Her Highness. Supporters say the DMV, fooled by the glasses, withdrew it after learning of Magikoopa’s impaired vision.

I say he blind-sided someone on Toad’s Turnpike.