SATIRE

I told you Wii would fade (three years ago)

It’s official, Nintendo profits (finally) fell on declining Wii sales. And for any of you who think it’s because the console is three and a half years old—a time when most consoles cool down—you’re wrong. This is because motion controls are a gimmick. After all, it’s not like “real consoles” are releasing competing motion controls any time soon. I tried to t...

New Super Mario Bros. Wii features secret “Mushroom Kingdom Terrorism” level

The gaming world erupted with controversy today after a number of New Super Mario Bros. Wii owners discovered that Nintendo had included a “terrorism” themed secret level in copies of the acclaimed side-scrolling platformer. The level, accessible only after players complete the game three consecutive times using all four players will full coins, thrusts the Mario character back into Pr...

50 million Wii owners humiliated after internet commenter tells them to “get a real console”

DENVER—A hush fell over the internet today as one commenter let gloves fly and cut more than 50 million Wii owners to their core, using only four words. “Get a real console,” said Bryce Meikle, an accredited “fun expert” and frequenter of Kotaku, an American video game blog with a Japanese-sounding name. “Who the hell would even play a Wii?” Meikle derisively ...

Infendo back online! Collective Nintendo fans breathe sigh of relief

MUSHROOM KINGDOM—After an intense couple of hours Friday morning, the internet’s #1 Nintendo fan site became fully operational, after a glitch caused all site links to fail for an unidentified period of time. “Infendo world headquarters were a mess today,” said a visibly frustrated David Cole, managing editor of the site. “I had to email Blake [the publisher] like 10 time...

Experts: 3-D movies threaten the very foundation of the industry

Movie critics and other film aficionados were up in arms today over B-movie slasher horror flick My Bloody Valentine 3D, which released just this past Friday to little fanfare, acclaim or a even a noteworthy box office draw to speak of. Nevertheless there was an uproar over the flick that continued today. The problem? The movie was in 3-D. “The new-found interest in 3-D film making is unfort...