PlayStation CEO trolls for headlines by calling 3DS “babysitting tool”, probably needs his diaper changed

What do you do in the dog-eat-dog business world when the competition has left your mangled corpse in the dust in terms of sales figures? Inform the press that your rivals are a bunch of poopoo buttfaces , clap the dirt off your hands and pat yourself on the back for a job well done, of course. Total self-delusion is doing wonders for Charlie Sheen — when your career takes a huge nosedive, just fly in the face of all logic and reason, adamantly repeat that you’re still “Winning, DUH!” and they’ll believe you. Why not Sony too?

I hesitate to dignify Jack Tretton’s schoolyard taunting with a response, but I’ve also never been one to pass on an opportunity to invite friends and countrymen to join me as I stand agape in awe as the biggest loser struts around like the king of town. The PlayStation CEO had these violent torpedoes of truth to offer CNN Fortune:

“I mean, you’ve gotta be kidding me. Why would I buy a gaming system without a hard drive in it? How does this thing scale? Motion gaming is cute, but if I can only wave my arms six inches, how does this really feel like I’m doing true accurate motion gaming?

“Our view of the ‘Game Boy experience’ is that it’s a great babysitting tool, something young kids do on airplanes, but no self-respecting twenty-something is going to be sitting on an airplane with one of those. He’s too old for that.”

Pretty big talk for the CEO of last place. CNN rightly points out that “Sony lost as much as $307 for every console model, and in fact, the Playstation 3 business was in the red until the company’s fiscal fourth quarter of last year”, which Tretton spins as the PS3 finally hitting its stride. The author also notes that “Nintendo’s DS devices have sold more than 146 million units worldwide, while the PSP currently tops out at 67 million.” Even Charlie Sheen would have to admit that the scoreboard doesn’t lie, bro.

Granted, he’s the head of Sony’s PlayStation department and it’s his job to portray Sony’s mediocre performance in both the handheld and console markets as some kind of master strategy, waiting to unveil the true staying power of their products. But anyone that’s not a fanboy can see it amounts to little more than “Oh yeah? Your mom. BOOM!”

If you’ll excuse me, this self-respecting 20-something has to get back to playing DS games in public. U JELLY?

Web developer living in Olympia, WA.