If gaming executives were honest

The Age’s Screenplay waxes hypothetically about a world where gaming executives tell the absolute truth about their consoles. Read the link for the entire hilarious thing, but here here are a few choice samples about Nintendo:

So who’s really going to win the next-gen battle?

Nintendo: Next what? We don’t worry about our competitors, Nintendo will do what Nintendo thinks will most entertain Nintendo users. Besides, Sony always win. You can’t compete with bashing hookers and driving fast cars, especially with an overweight plumber and a pointy-eared effeminate kid in tights.
What is the future of interactive entertainment?

Nintendo: Lots of Mario and Zelda games, obviously, and lots of waving your arms about, just as long as our engineers can come up with a stronger wrist strap. All these lawsuits from people with smashed TVs are going to cost us a fortunate. Lucky we don’t support those fancy high-def tellies…

Sony: Whatever we say it will be. The future doesn’t start until we say it does.

Microsoft: Halo 3. And 4. And 5’s going to be a real killer. It might even have a proper ending. Just don’t talk about the movie, OK? The guy who wears our Master Chief suit is really shattered that he has to go back to in-store appearances at EB and Walmart instead of being directed by Peter Jackson.

It’s funny because it’s true.