While waiting for school to start today, I sat half-awake and had a thought come to me. Mario collects more coins in a single level than I get in a month’s salary. What does he need them for; he lives in a modest house outside of the Mushroom Kingdom? Then I asked myself, “does gambling exist in the Mushroom Kingdom? Does Mario spend his nights at the casino with Bowser?” Maybe he’s like me and spends some time putting coins into casino games online like I do (I like blackjack because I’m a vanilla guy) and tries to multiply that huge cache of cash he’s sitting on like a giant nest egg. Or Yoshi egg, I guess. Maybe a Birdo egg? Next time we bump into each other at the tennis court, I will have to ask him to show me some online casino tips and guides.
Then I remembered that my favorite and most played Mario game growing up was Super Mario Bros. 2 on the NES, and every level had a slot machine at the end to get more lives. After that came the card matching game in Super Mario Bros. 3, which brought my mind to the fact that Luigi is literally a card dealer in one of the mini-games in Super Mario 64 DS. Not only does Mario (and obviously Wario) like to bet his winnings, his brother is literally helping enable him. Looking at recent games, Super Mario 3D World harkens back to SMB2 with a lot of things, but the slot machine stages (that are literally a slot machine, mind you) can get you 777 coins if you play them right.
So Mario likes to play some games with high risk and high reward; nothing wrong with that – but then you remember that all those blocks with coins inside of them are Toads that have been transformed by Bowser and you’re essentially robbing the pockets of Princess Peach’s peaceful people. Not cool, Mario! Play blackjack on your own coin! Write your own online mobile casino review! At least he’s not in the Pokemon universe, where Nintendo has shut down all of the Game Corners. I imagine Mario turns into Wario really quick if he can’t split his aces.