More Online Mario Kart (7) “Impossibilities”- We Can Laugh About ’em Now…

…and laugh is what I hope you all do at the following recollections of what surely should be impossibilities in the world of gaming. That’s what we’re thinking anyway as we cruise down the tracks of Mario Kart 7, forgetting that anything can and will go wrong by the time we power down. “It’ll never happen to me,” we think as we chuck all three of our useless, revolving green shells, given to us in 5th place, making room for that upcoming item box. They rocket off the map, seemingly gone for good…until one shoots right back onto the map, having ricocheted perfectly off of a distant wall, and slams right into you as that item box yields a Blooper – against human players. Oh, Mario Kart, you can be such a cruel mistress.

Then there’s the 7 impossibility. The kind of moment that makes you slowly let go of the A Button in disbelief, causing your kart to grind to a slow, sad halt. Imagine if you will; things are looking good. Third place, and behold – a 7! You’re about to mash the button to get to that Red Shell and Star when another racer slams into you causing you to spin out – but how? Oh, right – there was a one out of seven chance that they’d bump your star, then bump you, and the odds were in their favor. Or there’s my personal favorite: the one who deliberately bumps the Bob-Omb (because believing it to be an outright kamikaze attempt somehow makes it more bearable than an accident), and destroys both your chances of winning on the final lap. “It won’t happen to me….nah.”

Nor would the Red Shell that launches without a hitch, hones in on the racer just ahead like clockwork…and then gets confused for some reason (because what Red Shell isn’t entitled to an off-day every once in a while?). You watch as the Red Shell kicks it into reverse and rams right back into its user as if it were Link’s Gale Boomerang in the middle of PMS.

Ah, the woes of Mario Kart 7…luckily don’t last for long. Every now and then it’s great to just sit back and reminisce about things like the aforementioned “impossibilities.” Mario Kart’s not going anywhere, and it’s one of the greatest sources of accidental comedy that gaming can provide. What fun is it to keep all these crazy, random, and utterly hilarious Mario Kart tales to ourselves? That said, I once again implore all you readers and fellow racers to share your stories and have the kind of laugh that only Mario Kart “impossibilities” can provide. Start your engines!

43 Responses to More Online Mario Kart (7) “Impossibilities”- We Can Laugh About ’em Now…

  1. Richard says:

    My three biggest Mariokart skills:

    1) Green shelling myself
    2) Gold-Shroomimg off the edge of Rainbow Road
    3) Bouncing Bob-ombs off walls into my face

  2. Essel Pratt says:

    Richard, I am glad that I am not the only person skilled at those three! I always seem to do fine in Mario Kart when playing by myself, but once I start playing with friends, I suddenly forget how to play!

  3. Hitokiri_Ace says:

    I’m still in the midst of trying to get 3-stars on everything, and it’s not working out. lol Usually, I just play for fun, and the sillyness that ensues.. With a goal in mind though, that blue-shell at the finish line… is just plain mean. Being shelled in the air on the last lap, is probably the most helpless feeling in MK7 to me.. One minute, you’re flying high, then here comes a red shell.. Oh no! Here it is, last lap, got a decent lead… No avail, you slowly careen down, slowly get brought back, and of course, by then… you’re in 5th place. Having given up all hope of winning, you casually fly back over the gap, only to get nailed again! Laugh.. it’s all you can do at this point… Wow… Thanks for the memories MK7, thanks.

  4. Lord Lemmy says:

    Last night sucked bad for me. I was racing and while in first I was hit by a red shell. Directly after being hit, I fell off the edge. This was the beginning of the first lap, I can normally catch up before the end of the second. After a golden mushroom AND a bullet bill I STILL directly behind the guy in seventh. End of second lap. This person gets a star. I think “He’ll hit a few people and I can at least get up to fifth.” Was I ever wrong. He hits the brakes and I run RIGHT INTO HIM!! Of course, this made me land in front of him, and he starts up and HITS ME AGAIN!! Leaving me in eighth and a strong desire to rage quit.

  5. Ben says:

    Sometimes I feel like I have the worst luck in the world. I’m trying to get 3 stars in all 150cc cups, I have succeeded in all but 1: the Leaf Cup. I always come pretty close, but every time, something happens, be it a red shell, a blue shell, a VERY well aimed green shell or a certain course-only obstacle, that ruins my run.

    Lord Lemmy pointed out another annoyance: getting hit by something just enough to knock you off the track. That also happens when an opponent collides into you (or vice versa) at the right moment, especially in midair.

  6. paq says:

    One time I had a blue shell and managed to get to first place without using it.

    And then I thought that it would home in on the next best player… Nope, it just went straight up into the air, flew around in some circles and then targeted me with full force. So don’t use a blue shell if you’re in the first place 😉

  7. Lord Lemmy says:

    Another impossibility happened to me the other day. But I have terrible memory and COMPLETELY forgot what it was. Sorry, children, I’ll have to tell the story another time!

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  9. jd1990 god of chaos says:

    another impossibility ok going up rock rock mountain with the speed boosts hear comes the dreaded spiny shell(blue shell) it circles me i hit a boost boom completely missed it and won 1st place! what luck

  10. jd1990 god of chaos says:

    turns out when u hit a speed boost at the right moment or use a mushroom you can completely miss the blue shell and win also if u got some bannanas behind u dont let go they protect u from red shells

  11. jd1990 god of chaos says:

    does anyone even get on?

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