I played Gears of War on the Game Boy Advance

Once upon a time, a very smart publisher came up with a brilliant idea. It contacted Microsoft and Cliffy B. and got the ball rolling on a very unlikely project: Gears of War for Nintendo’s Game Boy Advance. Needless to say, there were many egos involved and unfortunately because of some issues that I won’t detail (Miyamoto hates gore), the project was eventually cancelled, but not before it was completely up and running and fully playable. I know all this because I recently learned of the back-story and got a chance to play a leaked build of Gears of War on GBA for myself.

Perhaps the coolest thing about Gears of War on the GBA was that it looked exactly like Gears of War on the Xbox 360. I had the opportunity to run through the beginning of Fish in a Barrel and noted how solid the controls were considering the game’s mechanics had to be adapted from the 360’s multi-buttoned controller to the GBA’s A and B buttons. The sound was impressive, too, though the chainsaw sound effects were pretty teeny coming from the GBA’s speakers. The biggest surprise of all? The GBA port allowed you to play deathmatch using a link cable. Mario and Link were even playable characters in the game with their own power-ups! Link could escape gunfire quickly by blowing on a weed and having Epona gallop away with him. Mario had a star that made him invincible for several seconds ”“ the perfect way to thwart chainsaw attacks.

It’s a shame Gears of War for the GBA was canned, considering how promising it was. The game also would have given a much needed boost to the GameCube, as the Game Boy Player allowed you to play the GBA version of Gears of War on your GameCube ”“ with graphics nearly identical to the 360. It was one of the most impressive hardware feats I’ve ever seen. Well, except for Killzone for the Game Boy Color. That game looked as good as the fake Killzone movie shown off at E3 a few years ago.

Would you buy Gears of War on Game Boy Advance? I assume you would, considering people are buying all those That’s So Raven and Lizzie McGuire games.

Editor’s Note: Yes, this is obviously a joke. But some people will believe anything they read on a blog, especially when it’s written by a crazy-haired Internet Gaming Nerd.