Behold, the Nintendo hardcore gamers want to see!


There’s been a great deal of complaining about Nintendo, at least among hardcore gamers on the internet. Since I want the company to do well (by “well” I mean be popular among said gamers), I’ve compiled all their criticism into a clear and easy-to-follow 20-step recipe, for Nintendo to restore its reputation. Are you ready?

  1. One new Mario Platformer every year – Mario Galaxy is soooo a year and a half ago and NSMB Wii is a whole three months away. Get with it, guys.
  2. One new Zelda every year – I demand the most epic adventure of my lifetime as often as I pay my property taxes.
  3. One new Metroid every year – one of the most highly rated games of all time and its two critically acclaimed sequels reworked with excellent controls and widescreen doesn’t count.
  4. Raise the quality of the above titles with this new 12 month development time. You’re Nintendo! Wave your magic wand!
  5. Stop repeatedly cashing in on your core franchises and create more new IPs. I’m so sick of the same old over and over.
  6. Bring back obscure franchises only I remember – where is “Wrecking Crew Wii” Nintendo? Where is it?
  7. Those one to two casual titles you release per year on the Wii are too many. Please eliminate the Wii Sports/Play/Fit/Music series as they are nothing but cheap gimmicks.
  8. Innovate Nintendo! You need more gameplay types! Natal! NATAAAAAAL!!!
  9. Create a HD system with better specs, better controls and a better interface than the Wii, but for less than $250.
  10. Make 3rd parties develop higher quality games – every one of their failures is your failure.
  11. Ensure 3rd parties have more creative freedom – stop being a control freak.
  12. Stop overshadowing 3rd parties with your own great games – give 3rd parties the spotlight once in awhile.
  13. Release a AAA first party game every month – anything less represents the abandonment of the core gamer.
  14. Increase the quality of WiiWare and Virtual Console titles – there’s nothing to buy on these services.
  15. Create a better storage solution for the Wii – I filled mine with great WiiWare and Virtual Console titles.
  16. Be more like the Nintendo of yore, which created “mature”, edgy titles aimed at adults.
  17. Court Rockstar to make a GTA game on Wii. I swear, I almost bought Chinatown Wars. I’ll totally buy this one.
  18. Put on better press conferences. I can’t be expected to enjoy video games without people telling me how I’m going to enjoy them. Ravi’s drumming totally ruined my Punch Out!! experience.
  19. That strategy you used to create your fastest selling console of all time? Ditch it. PS3 has less than half as many consoles out there and is bleeding money, but it’s got more internet respect than you.
  20. Do all of the above with fewer financial resources as a result of implementing number 19. Don’t worry, the internet’s love will pay all of the bills.