An open letter to Anascape and Brad Armstrong

re: Controller patent lawsuit against Nintendo and Microsoft

Dear Anascape and Mr. Armstrong,

Please stop trying to ruin our fun. We all realize that this current generation of gaming consoles represents a large sum of money, but the Jerry Springer era of kneejerk lawsuits and frivilous litigation is so over (that was an overly dramatic “so” meant to demean you).

Please cease and desist, and we’ll continue on acting as if we never knew you existed — which is how the entire world would be acting today if you had never filed this lawsuit to begin with. Legitimate patent attorneys have already come out and called you a joke, and it is obvious an easy settlement worth millions is the true crux of this issue. If you so much as delay the release of one game or, god forbid, the entire Wii console for even a single day, an army of Infendoians the likes of which you have never seen down there in the dusty streets of Tyler, Texas will feverishly pound out snarky Internet posts and comments with the wrath of Samus’ blaster charged to full. Fingers will be sore, cliches will be used, and sarcasm will drip from the ceilings. It will not be pretty.